Who wants a baby? Not this girl...

right? Right? I remember the get-this-thing-outta-me-right-now feeling. I remember it well. But I did learn to adore a child recently. Her name is Clara and I babysat for her all spring, summer and early fall. She is smart, creative and charming. I suppose it doesn't really matter who or what she is, because I realized that I can love a little one. Wait--back up a minute.  This girl?
Here's what I really realized: that there is a big part of me that is Career Oriented. And that part of me wants my independence for-eva. But the soft part of me wants to know the love a mother has for her baby, because I know it's bigger than anything I've ever known. I don't regret my decision to have an abortion for one second. I would do it again in a heartbeat. But maybe someday...when I'm 35 or something....I'll ruin my flat stomach and my size 7 1/2 feet so that I can love in a new way.

Happy Abortionersary to me.

I passed my Abortionersary and didn't even notice!

Occasionally my boyfriend or I will say, Remember when you/I was pregnant? It's usually me. And he's usually forgotten that it happened. Oh, yeah, he'll say. That was crazy, huh?
I believe this is a good thing. Our relationship was not damaged by that detour. The only mark it has left is my lack of yearning for a baby.
Not even my friend's beautiful, charming 3 year old gets my ovaries a-pumping.

There is a truly great quote that sums up the experience. It was a comment on my last posting.
Thanks, commenter.

No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg. ~Frederica Mathewes-Green

Damn right.

Happy Anniversary of freedom, Eve. Happy Anniversary of my choice.

The Other Side

I think it's important that everyone with an opinion is able to express that opinion (keeping in mind that the line between expression and harassment needs to be considered). In that spirit, I am publishing two comments on my last entry that were sent to me this morning. I believe the sender didn't realize that I have control over the postings and so tried to post the second when the first didn't go through.
Since I am involved in the battle over abortion only through my experience and not on the front lines, I forget, on a day to day basis, that those who are strongly opposed exist (I find the comments slightly amusing, I must admit... cliched, really... I mean they're just so general...not specific to me at all... but not everyone's a writer... not even myself, if I'm being honest....).
So here ya go, person. It's your right to speak.

Mirena, Mirena

Here's the breakdown:

Bled for a couple of days. Stopped bleeding until my period, which was only a day late. Have been bleeding moderately since, which has been two weeks now. It was never heavy. My clinician said I may bleed on and off for a couple of months, but it should eventually become much lighter and infrequent and may even stop on a semi-permanent basis. Which she said she was initially not a fan of, but she realized that back in the day women didn't have their periods nearly as much as we do now, because they were having babies and nursing for a large period (haha) of the time. So perhaps it's not a bad thing to give one's body a break. I've been menstruating for 13 years straight (with a quick pregnancy break). I'm ready to ease up. Especially since I became borderline anemic because I've been bleeding so much over the past nine months.

On a related note:
If I hadn't gotten the abortion I'd have a two month old.
Thank you, Planned Parenthood.
Wow. That made me slightly sad. But that's nothing compared to the relief I still feel.