Tuesday, October 27, 2009

About kids

I've been wondering about kids lately.
My boyfriend has made it clear that he wouldn't mind never having them, and that he'd probably have to be talked into it with his arm twisted tightly behind him.
I was sure I wanted kids with my ex. He had this dream once that he was teaching a big workshop on the property of a mansion and someone asked his where his wife was, because I usually taught this workshop. And he looked back at the porch at there I was, playing the guitar, with a big, swollen, 8 months pregnant belly. And I thought that was the best dream anyone had ever had.
I wonder if my ambitions re children have to do with what my partner wants. I always thought that if I had gotten pregnant with my ex's child, I wouldn't have been able to get rid of it. But as soon as I had this pre-baby inside me, I knew I wanted it out.
Here's the ironic thing: my current boyfriend is far more supportive than my last one and I think I love him even more deeply.
I don't know if I want a child. Maybe. My guy would make an amazing father.
I wonder what I would do if I got pregnant again. I hope I don't have to find out anytime soon.

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