1 out of 3 is you

Hey girl,

Of course, of course I'm not angry!
I wish you didn't have to go through this. I know your body is even more sensitive than mine, so I know you'll feel the changes that happen so quickly even more acutely. Our hips wanna pop out some kids, I guess!
I find it interesting that I never even asked if you were keeping it and you never brought up that possibility. We have so much stuff we need to do-- that we are meant to do--before we consider care of little ones (besides my cat).
If you want me to come with you I will. Having you there during my procedure meant the world to me.
Call me whenever. Tell me it sucks as many times as you want.
Dude. You're gonna be okay. Look at me! I'm fine. And it brought me and my boyfriend even closer together and I bet it will do the same for you. And ya know, as much as it sucked, I wouldn't take back any of it--although I will do everything in my power to prevent its happening again. It's one more experience we have to draw from. That's what this crazy life thing is all about; that's what we do.
Also, another plus for the surgical option is that you can now have an IUD put in right away (they started doing that just a couple of months after my abortion).
Let's have a fantastic vegan brunch tomorrow.

Love,

Eve

The Switch

I think I'm gonna bite the bullet. My period is currently on day 10 and without ibuprofen I was curled up in agony on my parents' couch during Thanksgiving. I made an appointment for two weeks out to switch from the Paraguard to the Mirena. I really don't like the idea of random periods and hormones, but I like heavy flows, major cramps and pregnancy a lot less. I talked to someone at Planned Parenthood, and she said that if my periods haven't gotten any easier after 8 months, they'll most likely stay this way. So I'm stuck in this lesser-of-two-evils-rock-and-a-hard-place situation.
Here's my prayer: Dear whomever, please let the Mirena make my periods become spotting so I don't get stuck with embarrassing situations and discolored underwear.
Thanks.

Joy to the World

My period has come!
I threw my fist into the air with a throaty "yes--yes!" as I looked into the toilet exactly a week after the due date.
I am going to try to go sans ibuprofen to really test the effects of the acupuncture thus far. My period usually gets really heavy and incredibly painful around day 3 or 4, so we'll see how that goes. I never thought my old 6 day cycle would seem like a relief, but I would welcome it back with open arms at this point. I'm sick of this 8-12 day business. Acupuncture is my last try before resorting to the Mirena. You hear that, Paraguard? You're gonna be toast if you don't wise up, buddy.

In case you're just tuning in....

I had an abortion in April. I got an IUD because I never want to have an abortion again but want to practice baby-making. My period is currently 5 days late. I'm not pregnant. Unless God is messing with me.

Take 2

5 days late. I figured it was time to get another pregnancy test. I went to the nearest Walgreens and found the tests locked up. That's pretty shitty, Walgreens. The last thing I wanted to do was go ask someone to unlock the pregnancy tests. And the very nice girl behind the photo counter just had to repeat "pregnancy test?" after I asked (that's not something that needs repeating, lady), and told me that she asked her doctor for one 'cause she was paying $25 for the appointment anyway.
But Jesus spoke through the CLEARBLUE. I like that brand, by the way. Clear, as advertised. And Not Pregnant.
So WTF is going on with my period? Can the acupuncture really be messing with it this much? It's not supposed to make it later. It's supposed to make it shorter.

I have one more test for later just in case.

The Scare

My period is two days late. I'm normally as regular as clockwork. So I took a test this morning. And I finally got the 'NOT PREGNANT' I was looking so hard for all those months ago. The heart beating through my chest was the same. The trying not to look while it's flashing but glancing every other second was the same.
I recently started acupuncture to shorten my periods and help the cramping. I don't want to rely on 800mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours. So this is my last resort before I switch to the Mirena. Which I would rather not do. But I've been so tired all the time and my acupuncturist thinks it might be because my body is putting out so much. Literally. I've been excited to find out if it's helping. But no luck as of yet. I don't even want sex, which is out of character for me. I think-- I hope it was because of the scare. I hope that tonight is different, because I hate laying next to my boyfriend and not wanting him.

About kids

I've been wondering about kids lately.
My boyfriend has made it clear that he wouldn't mind never having them, and that he'd probably have to be talked into it with his arm twisted tightly behind him.
I was sure I wanted kids with my ex. He had this dream once that he was teaching a big workshop on the property of a mansion and someone asked his where his wife was, because I usually taught this workshop. And he looked back at the porch at there I was, playing the guitar, with a big, swollen, 8 months pregnant belly. And I thought that was the best dream anyone had ever had.
I wonder if my ambitions re children have to do with what my partner wants. I always thought that if I had gotten pregnant with my ex's child, I wouldn't have been able to get rid of it. But as soon as I had this pre-baby inside me, I knew I wanted it out.
Here's the ironic thing: my current boyfriend is far more supportive than my last one and I think I love him even more deeply.
I don't know if I want a child. Maybe. My guy would make an amazing father.
I wonder what I would do if I got pregnant again. I hope I don't have to find out anytime soon.